So a Bee Walks into a Bar…

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Delightfully Lame

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says,
“I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says,
“I’ve lost my electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”

A neutron walks into a bar. “How much for a drink here, anyways?” To which the bartender responds, “for you, no charge.”

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender,
“I’ll have a whiskey and ……… soda.”
The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”
“Dunno”, says the bear. “I’ve always had them.”

A priest, a rabbi, and a vicar walk into a pub. The barman says,
“Is this some kind of joke?”

A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says,
“Hey pal, why the long face?”

A fish walks into a bar. The bartender says,
“What do you want?”
The fish croaks, “Water.”

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The barman looks at him and says,
“Did you know there’s a drink named after you?”
“Really?”, says the grasshopper. “You’ve got a drink named Steve?”

A group of fonts walk into a bar. “Get out of my pub!”, shouts the barman.
“We don’t serve your type in here.”

A dyslexic man walks into a bra…

 

Illustration Credit:

Bee Listens to Too Much Tom Waits*, illustration by madlyinlovewithlife;
© 2003 madlyinlovewithlife

*A bit of background to the above bee illustration: Some years ago, for reasons still unknown to me, I decided to create a short animated film. I knew nothing about animation, except that I basically needed to string together a zillion frames of similar drawings to produce an effect of movement. I outlined a very short love story about the meeting of a dragonfly and a bee. Using only the basic Microsoft Paint program and a computer mouse, I began drawing bees. I didn’t use any animation software, nor did I know there was such a thing as “onion skinning” to aid animation drawing. I simply copied each frame, erased and drew in the next bit of movement. By the time I drew the very last frame of a seemingly endless number of frames of my main character, I was a little weary of drawing bees. The end result was a fun little animation, charming mainly for its rudimentary drawings and the crudeness of movement more than anything. For a laugh, I drew the fun bee illustration above and threw it in at the end of my draft production as the very last frame for my partner to find (he was helping me with the sound editing). When my partner asked what on earth had happened to our lead actor, the Bee, I quipped that he’d been listening to too much Tom Waits in his dressing room. The image, did not, however, survive the final cut in the editing room.

 

12 thoughts on “So a Bee Walks into a Bar…

  1. Wonderfully fun puns and a fantastic illustration Jeannie..Very nicely done…Hope you’re having a great week thus far…Still trying to get the seeding done…The weather has really been a challenge this spring …

  2. Excellent jokes! Some more for you:

    Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks “Would you like a beer?” Descartes replies “I think not” and POOF! he vanishes…

    A string walks into a bar. He asks for a shot of tequilla. The bartender replys “Sorry we don’t serve strings”. So the string leaves.
    The next day, the same string walks back into the bar. He asks for a shot of tequilla. The bartender replys “Sorry we do not serve strings, please go away.”
    The following day the string stands outside the bar debating about whether to go in or not. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair.
    He goes in and asks for a shot of tequilla. The bartender replys “Hey aren’t you that string that’s been coming in here all the time.”
    They string replys “No I’m a frayed knot.”

    • Ha! Ha! These are great–I love your additions! Thank you so much for taking the time to add more jokes to the collection. I really appreciate it! Wishing you lots of fun and laughter! :))) ~ Jeannie

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